Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Curse of Snooki

Please allow me to digress from the law to come to the defense of my (former) home state, New Jersey. Yes, I am originally from New Jersey (don’t tell anyone). Let me clarify as I have done in the past and will likely do for the rest of my life, I am from SOUTH JERSEY.

New Jersey as a whole is currently under attack from a barrage of trashy reality shows, leaving the rest of the nation with misguided perceptions of the Garden State. I ask that when you watch those shows (we know you do), that you think the following:

Jersey Shore: NORTH JERSEY

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: NORTH JERSEY

Jerseylicious: NORTH JERSEY

All of these shows are set and cast in North Jersey. Draw a line across the state at Trenton (around Exit 7A on the Turnpike), look above that line and over by the New York City area. Heck, the people in Jersey Shore are mainly New Yorkers thrown together in a house in a North Jersey shore town.

Now, I don’t necessarily disagree that these New Jersey reality shows might accurately depict a certain element of people from North Jersey—I just want it known that things are different, better, in South Jersey where I’m from (I mean,really, do you think a South Jersey guy like myself could ever get away with calling himself “The Situation”?).

Sure, we may have had our share of bright, yellow Camaro Iroc Zs and guys with more gold around their necks than Fort Knox in South Jersey. Yes, there is a certain element in South Jersey that will kick you at least three times when you're down and out in a fight (but not five times, like in North Jersey). By and large, however, things are much more pleasant in South Jersey.

Think of South Jersey as being made up of sprawling, green suburbia and farmland compared to the dingy, on-top-of-each other rowhouses in North Jersey in the shadows New York City and the oil refineries and chemical plants off the Turnpike and Garden State Parkway.

Think of the beautiful southern New Jersey shorelines in family-friendly Brigantine, Longport, and Ocean City compared to (Yuck!) Seaside Heights, Point Pleasant and other North Jersey Beaches.

Think of nice roadways through the Pine Barrens in South Jersey lined with vegetables stands overflowing with Jersey tomatoes, peaches, blueberries and corn compared to the monstrous five (5) lanes in each direction Garden State Parkway in North Jersey.

To further clarify the distinction, note that South Jersey primarily has Phillies and Eagles fans compared to the obnoxious Mets, Yankees, and Giants fans of North Jersey.

So, please, when you are caused to think of New Jersey by these reality shows or any other negative publicity, remember that there’s North Jersey (what you’re negatively thinking of about Jersey) and South Jersey.

Aaaah, I feel better now—thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Speaking of chests, I read that Snooki was thrown in jail last night. One North Jersey character down, many more to go.

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